Long Island; Land Of The Ugly American Male

LONG ISLAND What the hell is wrong with the male population from long island? Now I ask this question because I am well acquainted with long island as I grew up one county over, in the land of Rego Park, part of Queens county. As I reached my teens I knew it was time to spread my wings and go someplace different from Rego Park... and that was Manhattan, specifically the Lower East Side to play punk rock. But I did go to Long island as well only it wasn't with my friends and band mates, it was with my family. Sometimes we went to the Hamptons to spend all day on a beach catching rays like a true Sun worshiper, digging my feet into the murky waters looking for clams. Other times it was visiting my cousins who lived on a private golf course. Beautiful piece of property Long island. No wonder the native Americans loved it so much. But Native Americans do not live there anymore for there is a new type of people living out in Long Island, and I must say that if God hates "ugly", then he must really, really despise the men residing in Long Island. But I will be focusing primarily on three of those men, all of whom played in the band Reagan Youth at one time or another.

The first band mate from Long Island was a serious musician. Dave Insurgent loved his playing and asked that he join the band. It seemed like a perfect fit, the guy was knowledgeable about the sound we expected from him, and he did it really well when we tried him out. I asked Dave "what about the other guys" but Dave was dead set on having the Long Islander. So Reagan Youth had it's first Long islander in the band, and what's the first thing he does; he does a complete 180 on the sound coming from his instrument. It wasn't perfect sounding like he played at the band's try outs, it was totally different; it sounded like shit, and arguments between Dave and the Long Islander started and never ceased. But we played live shows and we came up with new songs regardless and when three out of four guys in a band are rockin' it, and one isn't, and the one guy who isn't rocking it ain't the singer, well it was good enough. But then it came time to record our first record and the arguments just grew nastier and louder. Me and the other musician watched as Dave and the Long Islander argued and argued. Now the way I looked at it was "Hey, didn't this guy join 'our' band? Reagan Youth didn't ask to join him, so why isn't doing what he promised to do when he joined the band". It just didn't make sense to me.

So we end up recording and then releasing our very first record, an e.p. named "Youth Anthems for the New Order" and everything sounded pretty on... except for the Long Islander. His playing sucked so much that he can not really be heard on the record as much as the rest of us. And why isn't he heard as much as the rest of us? His instrument was vital to the band's sound, it's just that the sound recorded from his instrument sounded a lot like a big fart sound and Dave Insurgent was not going to give that crappy sound the same volume as the rest of us who played the songs the way they were supposed to.

Shortly after we recorded the record Reagan Youth made plans to go and play the west coast and in true fashion the Long Islander said "No". So we parted ways and we didn't see him at all for years and I'll admit it, the guy was never a friend and I would never consider him anything more than someone that I played in a band with. But he was never a friend because people that self absorbed with themselves don't have friends (still doesn't all these years later... the guy hasn't learned anything about being a stand up human being). Before Dave died we met up with this Long islander because we were re-releasing the e.p as an entire l.p. with three new songs added to be called Volume I. I can remember him telling Dave and I that "Reagan Youth never existed before he joined and after he left the band Reagan Youth ceased to exist". I told him "No, we played all these shows with the original members, how can you not remember that? And after you left we continued to play without you, and we wrote some new songs that are gonna be released as our second record". Long Islander quickly said "Hey I'll play on that new record" and Dave and I looked at each other like he was from another planet. No way we wanted to go through his nonsense all over again.

Well we ended up releasing the second record but only after the band had ended it's run. I assumed that was that except all these years later when I had a chance to play these songs all over again and that's when I met the other Long Islander. I needed replacement players and the other Long Islander tried out and after I asked him to join. I explained to him that I needed him to learn the songs the only way; the correct way, and to not change them. The only other thing I explained was the band's politics which were anti-racist, anti-hatred and though we were anti republican, that in no way that meant we were pro democracy. Reagan Youth is an anarchist band which meant we do what you want, as long as what you wanna do doesn't hurt other people. It's the only way to be an individual, not a conformist. It's what a true punk rocker would believe in. So what does the other Long Islander do when he is firmly entrenched in the band? Well let me tell you it wasn't pretty and very, very pathetic. Even way more pathetic than Long Islander #1. Read on....

Well the other Long Islander thought the band Reagan Youth was now property that he, and he alone owned. When I would say this isn't so he would say "Well if they aren't my songs the it's not 'my' band". And I would say "How can they be your songs when you weren't even born when some of them were written and you were a small child when the rest were written". but this did not stop him from telling people "hey you have Reagan Youth on your ipod? that's me on your ipod". Of course the girl with the ipod was confused and the other Long Islander admitted she was but that he explained it to her. I was like "What did you explain, that you lied and that it isn't you on her ipod?"...lol. Or the time we walked into a record store and the other Long Islander picks up the band's first album, walks over to the counter and tells the store owner "you see this record, that's me" and the record store owner just laughed in his face. I was terribly embarrassed for the other Long Islander but he didn't seem to care, he was too busy living a lie. Just how big the lie he was living I would soon find out.

You see this other Long Islander claimed he was in love with a girl, but you can't love someone else when you can only love yourself. But regardless he would have long conversations to me about his love for this girl, except one thing always happened, and that was that he wouldn't speak of his love for the girl, but rather his hatred for her boyfriend. What I finally found out was that the other Long Islander was dressing up like the boyfriend/fiancee (he's now her husband, and I good man... he moved out of Long Island) of the girl he claimed to love. what's more is the Other Long Islander had his girlfriend dress up exactly like the girl he claimed to love. he even had his girlfriend add on to her name the name of the girl he claimed to love. And I thought I was having problems with this guy.

Well needless to say I got rid of the other Long Islander and last I heard he has moved into the same neighborhood as the girl he claims to love so she can be more easily stalked. This is not funny because this poor girl is gonna have to move to another neighborhood because of the other Long Islander having this sick problem of wanting to be someone else, and having his girlfriend be someone else. talk about a sick, sick man. But unfortunately when his hair starting falling out he had no problem popping propecia pills to put hair back on his head. But to take meds that would make him sane, well he thought that was just too outrageous, you know, like a true Long Island asshole.

Now the Last Long Islander was the biggest doozy of them all. Like a true Long Islander he was a Jets fan, you know, because they play in New Jersey. Now I grew up loving to play sports and American football was one I loved. I was a Steelers fan growing up, and Dave Insurgent loved the Dallas Cowboys, but when it came to the New York teams we both like the Jets over the Giants.

Let's face it, the Jets with Joe Namath and his anti-establishment look and attitude was way cooler, as was John Riggins growing a mohawk and moving to New York city's village to reside. these were true individuals, not conformists. But the Jets of today are nothing like that. it's all about Fireman Ed, the creepiest football fan alive. Well anyhow the Last long Islander was a monster Jet's fan, so much that he has a room in his home filled with jet paraphernalia. That's not so bad, but what is bad about the room is that no girls are allowed. I guess the last Long Islander doesn't want any women in the room, but who would when viewing bestiality porn of a snake being pulled out of a female's vagina. But enough about the Jets, let's talk music because the Last Long Islander was an amazing musician.

The Last Long Islander played his instrument as good as anyone I've ever heard and when we went on tour he was not like the other Long Islanders, he didn't suck playing live. But after the gig he was as horrible as horrible gets. You see, the Last Long Islander has a problem with women/girls; females will always be beneath him, as they either need his saving because of their weakness or are nothing but a bunch of whores...but never too ugly to fuck. And that's a big problem because when Reagan Youth plays a lot of pretty girls show up. But the Last Long Islander walked past every pretty girl and headed straight for the scariest looking woman I've seen in a long while and proceeded to tell her "You smell like a piece of candy".

Now even the ugliest woman alive can smell desperation miles away, so of course she was completely creeped out by the Last Long Islander. But that didn't stop the Last Long Islander, even if it meant costing the band hundreds of dollars, which it did, as well as hours and hours being wasted. And it's not like the Last Long Islander got any sex, because he didn't, he just got rejected and Reagan Youth ended up driving 4 more hours in the rain (we drove eight hours in the rain earlier that day) and instead of being a man and admitting to a mistake, he said to me "But Paul, I was coked out". yeah, whenever I do cocaine I make a bee line for the ugliest woman at the venue and tell her she smells like a piece of candy. I mean 'who does that'? And then he just went onto complain about my girlfriend, like she was the problem, but she wasn't even there, so what the fuck did she have to do with that fiasco? It was then that the other band member's told me how the Last long Islander had called them up to ask "What are we gonna do about Paul's girlfriend?". The other band member's told the Last Long Islander "Look, I'm busy at work and don't call me about this shit again" and the other band member said "Paul, I like your girlfriend and I didn't know what he meant, so I didn't know what to say". And this band member was a Jets fan just like the Last Long Islander and he must have thought that meant it was all right to call him with that bullshit and worse the Last long Islander would use the word "Nigger" around him, a lot. Obviously this does not work, at all, for Reagan Youth. But we had more gigs to play.

So the next gig we play one of the band members, and obviously it wasn't the Last Long Islander, actually got some sex from this pretty girl/Reagan Youth fan, only it was completely opposite of what happened the night before. There was no "hey, you smell like a piece of candy", but just a matter of plain ole drunken revelry. It was harmless fun but the Last Long Islander didn't see it that way because he was too busy being a jealous bitch ass. The next thing you know he's threatening to leave us stranded even though the band paid for the vehicle (the tour van was in the Last Long Islander's name) we were using. Real stand up guy that Last Long Islander, huh? Now I had to open up on the Last Long Islander and boy did I ever. I had to explain that this wasn't 'his' band or even 'his' tour van, it was Reagan Youth's tour and since 'we' paid for the van, what the fuck was he talking about. He said "point taken' and nothing else because, what else could he say? So the tour went on but he was miserable because young pretty girls of legal age not only showed up to watch us play, but were in our dressing room. So the Last Long Islander would storm out of the dressing room because he thought it should be like his Jet's room in his house out on Long Island, The room where no females are allowed, only him and his non friends allowed. Well the tour ended and we haven't spoken since because, obviously, because he's way too embarrassed that everyone in Reagan Youth knows what a jerk the Last Long Islander is.

Now after this I thought "hey, there must be a connection between these three assholes" so I did decided to do some research but before I could I had to relax, being that I just came home from tour. Osama Bin Laden had just been killed by navy seals who kept his wives alive, you know, because the wives actually attacked the navy seals but they just had to blow Osama Bin Laden's brain's out because his brain held a treasure trove of Al Qaeda secrets and America thought it best just to blow out brain and dump it into the Arabian Sea.

And was it the right thing to do? Maybe we should ask Pete King,Chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee, and he's from, you guessed it; Long Island. But there was other news on that day, like that an off duty Long Island police officer pulled his loaded revolver from his holster and pointed it at a bartender who was doing absolutely nothing but serving him drinks all night.

It made me remember when we were in Chattanooga and the local police officer apologized to the Last Long Islander because Chattanooga didn't have a Chase Bank for us to make a deposit. The Last long Islander thought that was so surreal for an officer of the law to be so courteous and hospitable, and of course he would, he's from Long Island.

But eventually I searched the internet about Long Island and what did I find? That Long Islanders are talking of secession from New York state. On March 28, 2008 Suffolk County proposed a plan that would make Long Island (specifically, Nassau and Suffolk counties) the 51st state of the United States of America so that all the Long Island taxpayers' money would stay on Long Island, rather than have it shared with the rest of the state of New York, because, you know, Long Islanders are special like that.

That reminded me of when the Long Islander put out a Reagan Youth c.d. and told the record label that he would be the only one to get paid from it. Like that happened .....lol. Or when the Other Long Islander thought because he would do the 'Heil Hitler' salute "for real" when we played Berlin, that it meant he was the leader of Reagan Youth and that all the songs now belonged to him and him alone..... yeah right....lmao. Or when the Last Long Islander, and he is the last Long Islander that will ever be in Reagan Youth, thought that he was in charge of the band. The Last Long Islander can't get any sex from the ugliest woman I've seen in years and that makes him in charge .... yeah sure it does ....lol.

In closing let me say this; Long Islanders epitomize what is wrong with the United States today. The U.S. of A is not the best country in the world, it's only different than all the other countries. Is the U.S. better because it allows British Petrol to pollute Louisiana and then watches as the C.E.O. of British Petrol gets a big bonus because Gas prices went up because of it's fiasco? Is it better because the rich get big tax breaks but the middle and working class get screwed? I don't believe that makes the U.S. better than all the other countries in the world. Different? for sure, but certainly not better. Now I know the ugly American male from Long Island can't believe any country in the world can be better than the U.S. and nowhere in the U.S. is there a better place to be than Long Island. Well I believe that as much as I believe that Al Qaeda is planning to blow up Nassau Coliseum because the Islanders are such a great hockey team these days.

My apologies to all the Long Islanders that I know that happen to be cool, upstanding people. People that I know are good people. But the three that played in Reagan Youth that hail form Long Island? Stop blaming women for your problems and get over yourselves.

And lest we forget serial killer Joel Rifkin that murdered Dave Insurgent's finance, Tiffany. Where was he from?.....exactly.

Now let's see, not long after I wrote this, a Long Islander murders, in cold blood, 4 people while robbing a pharmacy. The crime "didn't make sense" according to the police commissioner, but it did, if you see where he's from. A self centered human being, not caring about anyone else but them self, that's what happens when you don't have neighbors to the north, south, or east and your only neighbors are in the 'wild west' with freaky New Yorkers. The "Pain Killer" did not show any remorse for what he did, of course he didn't, why would anyone who only cares for themselves show remorse? They don't and never won't.

Here's a Thanksgiving update, specifically to the person who thinks Quakers were at the 'first' Thanksgiving. Funny, I was always taught it was the Pilgrims and Quakers came way later to Pennsylvania. Hey, maybe he can go share some cranberries and squash with someone, anyone from the Algonquin tribe. Highly doubt that, but he can always share a slice of sweet potato pie with this racist garbage picking asshole in the video below.





As for the video below about this great American war hero, just keep in mind, McCain is a republican who ran for the presidency against Barack Obama. He had to be thinking about the three guys that were once in Reagan Youth that were born and raised in the very place he disparaged.